Why the sudden you might ask? I'm as clueless as well,i found out through a mutual friend. But since she can do things this way, i should at least respect it and let go, even she didn't bother to give me a call and say "hey,you should really move on now,i'm with him now". What if all my friends didnt bother to let me know, would i be stupidly and dumbly holding on a false hope? Dont get me wrong, maybe the "hope" wasn't there to begin with. I'm not judging,because i am too, a selfish person, dont you think she should have told me so i can move on too? I can confirmed she at least read the Belinda story,well she told her friends my story was "incomplete" or "twisted". So let me get this straight, so it is ok for her to move on but she doesnt want to let me know and let me move on as well? I still remember she once complained, "we didnt even have our closure yet,and you already doing things telling the world you're single and available,that's very disrespectful". I took the advice, to the world i might be single, but i wasn't available throughout this whole thing. If not i would have been with a subang girl(rebound or not,that's up to me). I thought hey, maybe i should wait it out, i mean for old time sake, 1 year plus is not a short period of time, that thought even when i was in the period of making grave mistakes. Well thank you for that, look how far that sentence brought me. I don't know about you guys, my opinion,she is as selfish as i am,as cold as i am because the only thing differentiate us now is the wheelchair. I could have spend alot of time living in regrets and pursuing for nothing. Why dont she just set me free?
My selfish ways or cold hearted decisions whatever you people want to call it, it was a mistake. I pleaded for forgiveness and i pleaded for a second chance. Granted, it would have taken time or it wouldn't have happened at all for me. My point is, all my doings these past 6 months were mistakes,and her actions which i personally think that are selfish and cold, those are not mistakes. She is thinking straight, so it is only natural to say those actions are her actual self. I guess this evens things out. I don't owe her anything, tears,begging, being treated coldly,being ignored, name it, I don't. Since she wants me to live my life with regrets, fine. I dont know why i am fine with that,but yeah. I guess i'm so used to let her have things her way.
Self forgiving is another way out. Bernard prayed for me, well i hope he doesnt mind, i changed the sentence in a way im praying.I hope i can seek forgiveness in God,i believe He knows from my bottom of my heart that i realized what i have done is wrong. I pray He will guide me so that i can able to let go and come out stronger and see more purposes in life. He knows i want to change for the better. I pray that He will give me strength for His words says "i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". I surrender myself unto Him as He is much bigger than my mistakes. I pray all this in Jesus blessed name, Amen!(sorry if i say or type anything wrong here.i'm still new >.<)
Officially signing off,you have seen the last of Smeethan0225.
Sincerely,
Smeethan0225.
i love you baby.(sorry couldnt help it.)
1 comment:
no problem bro! prayer is from ur heart. if you are sincere , God knows it. Continue to stay strong bro! Take care and will talk to u when i am on msn. God bless. :)
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